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Attempting to have a healthy conversation regarding body positivity on social media is one thing and having it with your family who lives within close proximity is another. Especially if the women in the family are raging a war against women empowerment. To bring things into context, here’s something you should know about me and the antithesis of a girl-gang, my women in-laws.
When I got married to Rahul, we both decided that I would move into his family home, which still had a joint family set up. With four generations and two families living under one roof, the house always gave a sense of a community that held everyone together. During my initial visits, I never noticed anything odd that would warn me of the stereotypical ideals of beauty that confined the minds of my mother and sister-in-law. Apart from comments regarding my bony arms that seemed to come from a place of concern, both the ladies spent their time updating me of all the recent developments of their favorite daytime soap. Now that I think about it, maybe that was because I was still a skinny girl with a fair complexion—seemingly fitting into the Indian beauty standards.
However, things quickly changed after I had my first baby. As women do, I gained a few pounds! Minor complications lead to a C-section, followed by stitches, followed by weeks of bed rest, and obviously, no weight loss exercises. Once I got better, I spent countless hours helping around the house. You see, my sister-in-law was pregnant this time, and I wanted to help out in whatever way I could. I prioritized my child, job, and family before my weight. A year passed, but my weight never budged. Surprisingly Rahul seemed to like the added softness on my body. However, this softness soon doubled up with baby no. 2. Like the last time, another complicated C-section led to more bed rest and no weight loss. The skinny version of my body was hidden under layers of fat. But it didn’t bother me; I never left conscious about it, at least not until I heard my sister and mother-in-law chatting about me.
The first time I noticed it was when they were busy watching their daily dose of soaps with their backs turned towards me. I entered the room to grab something and heard hushed giggles, imitations, and a few whispers of my name. They were talking in between the allocated TV intervals as if it was a force of habit like they had done this before. My sister-in-law sat on the lounge-couch, stuffed mini-cushions into her clothes all around her body, and attempted to make a mockery of the way I talk and walk. Clearly, she succeeded since my mother-in-law let out a howl of laughter. With such positive motivation, my sister-in-law continued her act, only this time she pretended to steal food out of my mother-in-law’s plate and stuff it down her throat. “I wonder how she doesn’t choke on it,” my mother-in-law commented while letting out another round of howling laughter. “Exactly! And using her pregnancy as an excuse to eat? What is that about?” replied my sister-in-law. Nodding, my mother-in-law added, “I know! This is what these working women do, beta. They make sure they are skinny until they get married! Grab attention from the most innocent boys and then gain a lot of weight after the boy is madly in love.” My sister-in-law agreed, “You are right, Ma. It seems like it doesn’t even bother Rahul bhaiya how fat bhabhi has become.”
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I had heard enough by then to know where this conversation was headed. Despite being my family, this is what they thought of me? A working woman who cunningly attracts innocent men—and simply because I had gained weight? They were openly questioning my motives and character because I was fat now? I was no longer sure what was going on here—was I watching a dramatized soap opera within my house, a house where my children will grow up? I concluded their conversation with, “It doesn’t bother Rahul, because unlike you, he is a respectful and nice person, even before he is my husband.” They both stared at me with a flash of guilt and shock—I left the room to unsubscribe from all the soap operas and subscribe to some educational programs.
