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Motherhood is not easy. You have a newborn to take care of and keep a constant watch on. You also have to take care of yourself more, considering that your body just went through so much trauma. Add to that mix your household chores and maybe even a nine to five! Life can be a real struggle, especially in the initial stages of motherhood. But despite all that mothers do to keep their family running, they are still under constant pressure and scrutiny. No matter how much they try to deliver their best shot, it never seems enough.
Mom shaming is a reality that most mothers face, mainly when their parenting choices are slightly different or rather unique. Some mothers choose to go the conventional route with their children, while others may do things differently. But no matter what you do, there will always be a bunch of insensitivity and unsolicited comments that come your way. Truth be told, no mom is immune to unfair mom-shaming. If you’ve been caught in the crossfire, here are a few things you should know:
1. Choose Not To Respond
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When someone shames you, let’s say, on the internet, one of the best ways to deal with such trolls is to not deal with them at all. At first, it may seem counterintuitive. It will be difficult to stop yourself from yelling back or even justifying yourself, but don’t bother doing that. It isn’t worth your time. Ignore their remarks and move on with your life because what someone says about you doesn’t matter. In most cases, people who throw insensitive comments and insults often come from a place of insecurity and jealousy. You’re above all that, so don’t succumb to their shaming.
2. Don’t Obsess Over What Has Been Said
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The things people say when they shame you can be exceedingly hurtful. But obsessing over what they said or did will only make you feel worse and hurt more. It’s normal to get upset, but it’s not healthy to keep dwelling on that thought to the point of obsession. It will drain you mentally and rob you of all your precious energy. Instead, take it in your stride, and focus on things that make you feel better.
3. Don’t Become A Shamer Yourself
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It may be tempting to shame the shamers in return, but it is best to take the high road. The minute you respond to them with a retort, you’re fueling them to continue. It is a nasty cycle that will only keep going. Also, by shaming them in return, how different are you from them? Be the bigger person and let go.
4. It’s Not The End Of The World
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When you have been publicly shamed, the chances are that a lot of people who know you have heard about what has been said too. This can take a toll on you. It’s not a nice feeling to know that your family, close friends, relatives, and even colleagues probably heard about the nasty things that people said about you. You may experience a lot of strong emotions such as anger, humiliation, sadness, and even maybe regret. But you have to understand that this does not mean your whole life is ruined. The people who genuinely know and care about you will know better than to listen to insensitive trolls on the internet. Things will improve, especially once you realize that mom-shaming says more about the shamer than the victim.
5. Reconsider Your Acquaintances
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Mom shaming can happen anywhere and everywhere. It could be on the internet or at the grocery store when you bump into someone you know. If you have been mom-shamed by someone you know, then maybe it’s best to stay away from them, particularly if you see a pattern. Instead, surround yourself in the company of those who make you feel comfortable, loved, and cared for.
6. Mommy Knows Best
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Remember that no one knows your child better than you do. A lot of mothers are constantly scrutinized because they choose to do things differently. When mothers breastfeed in public, choose formula over breast milk, opt for a babysitter, or return to work soon after childbirth, they have their own reasons for doing so. No one has the right to question them, especially if they don’t understand where they come from. For example, you might switch to baby formula because you have health complications that hinder the supply of breast milk. The world might not know your reasons, but they will be quick to judge you. But you know the truth, and you know what’s best for you and your baby. So, don’t mind what people say.
7. Be Vocal About Mom Shaming
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We did mention not to respond to people who have trolled you, but that shouldn’t stop you from spreading awareness. It’s essential for the world to know your side of the story too. You don’t have to directly respond to the trolls or even bring up what they said or did, but you can spread awareness by putting up a post that speaks about your experience. Or, you could talk about it to the people you know, so they understand what a victim of mom-shaming goes through. This way, they too will be mindful of what they say or do to you and other mothers in general.
It’s important to understand that anyone can be a victim of mom-shaming, no matter what they do. If you haven’t lost weight after childbirth, they call you lazy. If you’ve lost all your weight and are back in shape, they’ll say you’re self absorbent and have no time for your baby. If you decide to resume work, they’ll call you a bad mother. If you decide to quit your job, they’ll call you laid-back and non-ambitious. Basically, there’s no winning with certain people, but you know what? That’s okay! Live your life on your terms, and enjoy motherhood, because it is one of the most profound roles you can play! What are your thoughts on this? Let us know in the comments below!
