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You would think people would be more sensible than saying things like, “Things happen for a reason.” or “God has a better plan for you.” But most times, we end up saying the wrong stuff to someone who has gone through a traumatic experience such as a miscarriage. In this MomJunction article, we asked 7 women “What they wish people understood about miscarriage?” Here’s what they said:
1) “I Wish My Boss Knew Better Than Expecting Me To Work The Next Day”
“Miscarriage can be different for everyone. But for some, the physical aspect of it can be more painful than the emotional side. It took my body weeks to feel normal again. It was a bloody scene as I had heavy blood flow and the cramping was unbearable. There was no way I could have gone back to work immediately and I had requested my boss to grant me a few days of leave to rest and recover. My boss denied my request and said she could only approve one day’s leave.” – Rahmya
2) Sometimes We Just Need To Cry
“The best thing someone had said to me during my miscarriage was, ‘You are allowed to cry and sulk in your sadness for a while. You don’t need to be a happy person right now’.” – Aiswarya
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3) Please, Don’t Turn Into A Motivational Speaker Right Now!
“I know it probably comes from a good place, but I don’t want to be told that “Everything happens for a reason” and “It was probably for the best” soon after losing my baby. I want to grieve for my son’s loss as long as I want to because I know it’s never going to be the same.” – Kavya
4) I Don’t Want To Be Told That Worse Things Could Have Happened
“I had lost my baby in the first trimester due to some complications. It was a heartbreaking experience for me and while I was still grieving in my loss, I had relatives come up to me and say that it could have been much worse. That I could have lost my baby in my third trimester or during childbirth which would have been much more upsetting, so I got lucky.” – Benedicta
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5) “Yeah, I Know I Can Try Again!”
“Nobody wants to be told that they can try again after going through a miscarriage. I wasn’t worried about the fact that I can never have a child, so let me just grieve over the baby I had just lost. Also, people should learn to be less intrusive and stop asking if and when we would try again. Frankly, that’s none of your business.” – Lisa
6) Stop Making It All About You
“I know people want to help, but I would rather someone listen to me and let me grieve my loss than share their story about miscarriage. If I wanted to know about your experience or how you dealt with it, I would have asked for it myself. There was this one time I ended up consoling my friend about a miscarriage she had a few years back and it’s hard to be there for someone when you have barely any energy to talk.” – Ria
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7) Small Genuine Efforts Are Greatly Appreciated
“Instead of reassuring me that things would be fine like most of my friends did, one of my friends asked me if I needed any help with babysitting. I hesitated and said no, but then she came home with packages of home-cooked food and a card. I felt that was the most thoughtful gesture anyone could have done.” – Naja
We hope with these women sharing their stories, more people would be able to fight the stigma associated with it as well as find more meaningful ways to support other women who have gone through similar journeys.
