Why Do Couples Fight When They Stop Lovemaking?

Image: Shutterstock

One of the important aspects of marriage is lovemaking. Though physical intimacy shouldn’t be the only motivation to base your marriage on, it does help couples bond at a different level right at the onset. When you completely surrender yourselves to each other, it encourages feelings of mutual respect, fidelity and a sense of security.

Despite the importance of physical intimacy, there are a lot of misconceptions attached to it. Many couples fall into the trap of assuming that the frequency and degree of passion in lovemaking in a marriage tend to decline with time. They believe it to be at its peak before the birth of their first child, and gradually dwindle with every addition until the passion almost subsides. However, this may not be the fact, though it’s true that couples do indulge in frequent and passionate lovemaking during the first few years of marriage.

So, what is it that makes couples fight especially when they stop lovemaking? There are various factors that can be attributed to it.


Image: Shutterstock

This is probably one of the major reasons for frequent quarrels among couples. When couples indulge in lovemaking, hormones such as adrenaline, dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin are released by the brain. These hormones collectively have a happy, calm, and rejuvenating effect. Therefore, it comes as no surprise when couples who are less into lovemaking lose out on these “happiness hormones”, resulting in fights.


Image: Shutterstock

As much as a couple would love their baby, the fact is child care does stress them out, especially with no social support. It makes women irritable, and childbirth-related health issues make them avoid physical intimacy. Men may also find the lack of a cheerfulness in their spouses too overbearing. The regular lifestyle stressors like workplace commitments or familial responsibilities only add to their woes.

Timed Out

Image: Shutterstock

Another intimacy killer is the lack of time, apart from stress. There may be days when you’ll be done with your routine and have time on your hands. Yet, all you’d want to do is sleep or avoid running into each other due to frequent quarrels. Although couples do miss the elaborate intimate routines, but with time being a luxury, they end up giving lovemaking a total miss.

Physical Frustration

Image: Shutterstock

Physical frustration is a reality, though it may be on the higher side for men. When couples do not indulge in lovemaking, the resulting frustration will only drive them over the edge frequently, resulting quarrels. Also, the hormone DHEA (dehyrdoepiandrosterone), which is released during the big O, boosts immune system, helps in tissue repair, and also acts as an antidepressant. Being deprived of DHEA may also result in physical health issues.

So does this mean that lovemaking in marriage really tends to dwindle with each passing year? Absolutely not. Marriage is a relationship that is built on love, compassion, and respect. for each other. All it takes is a little bit of patience and planning to overcome the hurdles.


Image: Shutterstock

The first step towards addressing lack of physical intimacy is to talk about it. For once, let the parent in you take a back seat. Plan up together, like when the baby is asleep, and catch up with some quick intimate time. You are life partners, after all, so be candid while discussing your intimate needs or love-making fantasies, but try not to indulge in elaborate lovemaking. Sometimes, a simple verbal communication can solve the most complex problems.

Relax Together

Image: Shutterstock

Even on days when you cannot afford intimacy, try lazing around in each other’s company, watching your favorite TV show or reading books together. This will help you become patient in each other’s presence.

Petty quarrels and lack of lovemaking is only a passing phase in marriage. When a marriage is based on the strong foundation of love, respect, and understanding, it can survive any storm easily.

Was this information helpful?