The general notion for why a person cheats in a committed relationship is because of an issue with either the person who is cheating or the relationship itself. We often think that there is something wrong with the cheater, be it some unresolved emotional trauma or emotional immaturity. Then, on the other hand, we also think that it might be because of some problem with the relationship, thus, invoking the cheater to look for intimacy out of the relationship. No matter which reason we assume, we always consider infidelity to be a symptom of an underlying larger problem.
More often than not, we are right about the assumption. But, this can surely not explain all the infidelities that we come across. We do come across people who are entirely happy in their relationships but still one of them ends up cheating on the other. Here, we observe that the couple does enjoy each other’s company, share a mutual respect and understanding, have no financial or intimacy issues, and there is no other obvious relationship issue either. So, in such a scenario, how do we explain the cheating?
Here, we bring you four possible reasons why a person who is essentially well-adjusted and is in a happy relationship might still be tempted to indulge in infidelity:
1. Exploring Oneself
People can stray for various reasons, but there is one theme that you may notice coming up repeatedly. Here, we are talking about the quest for self-discovery. For such seekers, infidelity might not be a symptom of some bigger issue. It is rather an expansive experience where the focus suddenly shifts towards exploration, growth, and transformation. It is more to do with being free from who they are presently or have been in the past. More often than not, it is not about changing their personality entirely, but more to do with being free from those constraints for a short while. So, here, the cheater is not really looking for another person. Instead, they are looking for another version of themselves.
2. The Desire For Forbidden Fruit
Sometimes, people in happy relationships will tell you how the act of sneaking around fascinates them. And, in turn, makes them feel younger. This seems fascinating and exciting to them. Moreover, breaking the rules gives them some sort of a kick. It is almost like how a kid would deliberately have a cookie if the mother tells him/her not to. It is almost like the transgression seduces the cheaters. Knowing that they are not supposed to look for physical intimacy or romance out of the relationship makes them want it even more. In a way, it is their desire to push their limits to explore themselves, as well as the world, more.
3. A Life They Haven’t Yet Had Allures Them
Here, it is not the transgression that fascinates the cheaters as much as the wish to relive missed opportunities. They might be driven by the desire to be with the one who got away. Or, it might be about the one they never had. These feelings might make them feel restricted and limited in some way. They feel bound by the relationship and the life that they have chosen for themselves. And, this can be irrespective of how happy they feel in their current relationships. Again, it is another form of self-discovery, where they are suddenly introduced to the stranger that lives within themselves.
Do you think that one reason for cheating can trump another? Do you think that finding an answer to this question really matters? If you look at it from the perspective of the one who was cheated on, the answer is a big, fat ‘NO’. For the one who was betrayed, each reason is going to hurt as much. And, there is no way one can deny that.
What are your thoughts about the same? Please share with us in the comments section below!