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It may be hard to admit but many parents have a favorite child. It may still be considered taboo in the perfect parent handbook but in reality, favoritism exists everywhere, even at home. If you have one child you tend to favor just a little bit more this doesn’t make you a bad person. Admitting this to yourself can actually be very healthy as long as you handle it properly. So, before you get on a guilt train, take a step back and understand why being fond of one child is completely normal.
Admitting Your Fondness For One Child Over The Other Can Help You Become A Better Parent
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Contrary to popular belief, it’s completely normal to feel a stronger bond with one child than you do with the others. This is especially true if they happen to share similarities with you. You may think it’s odd but parents are people too and all people gravitate towards people who affirm us. Having a preference will happen whether you want to acknowledge it or not, although it’s better if you do. The sooner you recognize your preferential bias the sooner you can correct it in order to treat your kids equally. Keeping them in check will enable you to be a better parent and foster a healthier family environment. But this does take a certain amount of introspection and self-awareness on the part of the parent.
There Are Many Reasons As To Why You Connect With Your Kids Differently
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At the end of the day, your children are unique individuals, and it’s natural not to have the same relationship dynamic with each of them. It’s simply unrealistic. One reason you might feel more inclined toward one child is that they reflect your own traits since they share a similar personality. Favoritism can also be influenced by who is more cooperative and easier to engage with. For instance, parents might find it simpler to communicate with their older child, compared to their 4-year-old who believes crayons belong to the food group. And that’s perfectly okay!
Another factor that could affect your relationship with your kids is your own childhood experiences. If you have had bad experiences you may have a hard time connecting with any of your kids. In these cases, it is recommended to seek out professional help and learn to treat the child as a separate individual without transferring the weight and negativity of past experiences onto them.
Parents Feel Happier And Healthier When They Spend Time With Their Favorite Child
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This may sound harsh but knowing who the parents are closest to can have an impact on their care as they get older. In hindsight this does make sense. After all, aren’t we in better spirits when we are around people we get along easily with? It’s the same concept. You are more likely to recover faster or be happier when you are older if your favorite child tends to you. This is also partially because you know that it is easier on them since you get along so well.
Even If The Parents Don’t Acknowledge It, The Kids Can Sense Favoritism In The Family
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Unfortunately, swiping your feelings and preferences under a rug and hoping that they go away isn’t going to work. Your children are very perceptive and will catch onto your favoritism sooner rather than later. So, it is best to acknowledge your feelings and deal with them appropriately instead of acting like you don’t have a favorite. In a lot of cases this may be the youngest of the lot. Many children complain about their youngest sibling getting away with anything and that’s because that the last baby is usually the favorite. Parents are also more confident in their own parenting skills and styles by the time they have the last kid so they feel free to lavish all their love and attention on them (sorry older kids). The eldest may be the one who gets the most privilege but the youngest definitely gets all the affection.
It’s Important To Treat Them Equally
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It goes without saying that if kids grow up in an environment where they are often mistreated, it will affect the child’s sense of worth. So, parents should make an effort to avoid discriminatory behavior as much as possible and treat the kids equally. One way to do this is to ensure that you settle disputes impartially. Everyone follows the same house rules and whoever breaks them suffers the same consequences. Avoid taking sides when they fight amongst themselves and help them resolve the conflict by themselves.
It’s okay to admit that you have a favorite child, sometimes it can even be beneficial. As long as you love them all and treat them equally, your family life will be happy and healthy. Happy parenting!
