5 Love Languages And Their Uses

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American author Gary D Chapman described five love languages in his book ‘The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts’. The book has become a bestseller, primarily because these five love languages often help lead a wholesome relationship. So when you understand which love language or languages work for you and your partner, you can build a healthy and fruitful relationship with your partner. Read through this post as we bring you a summary of the five languages of love advanced by Gary D Chapman.

What Are The 5 Love Languages?

In his book, Chapman says that love languages are akin to how couples express their love, nurture their relationship and heal one another. The love languages are closely linked to how two people experience love in a relationship. As people have different personalities and likes and dislikes, their love languages also differ. For example, some people believe in expressing their love through gifts, while others consider physical affection as the most important love language.

The 5 Love Languages: The secret to love that lasts - Gary Chapman

Buy-Now: The Five Love LanguagesThe 5 Love languages

Read on and analyze which category your partner falls into. We also provide you with a few tips on how to use each of the five love languages.

1. Words of affirmation

Some people assume that love doesn’t need to be expressed in words as their partner already knows about it. Love, like everything else, needs to be expressed in words. You need to regularly tell your partner how much you love them, care for them, and cherish them. Here are a few things that you could whisper in their ears:

I thank God for you every day. It might help your spouse to feel lucky to have you, and they will also likely feel the same for you.

You are the best thing that happened to me. It would make your spouse feel loved, and that’s the best feeling in the world.

I appreciate how much you care for me. It would probably make your spouse feel appreciated, and they would likely put in more efforts to care for you.

You are very energetic. It will probably motivate your spouse to put in all energies in your relationship and give their best to make the relationship stronger.

You are so beautiful today. It can make your spouse feel good about themselves and boost their self-esteem. We all love compliments, don’t we?

I love it when your smile kick starts my day. It will give your spouse a reason to smile every morning.

2. Acts of service

Actions speak louder than words. It works in relationships where a partner’s primary love language is Acts of Service. If your partner needs you to do things to make the relationship stronger, do not hesitate. Simple acts of service would likely have more meaning than anything else you utter. These simple acts would make your partner feel loved.

  • Help your spouse do the dishes after a meal.
  • Help them clean the house because hey, you live there too and are responsible for half of the mess there.
  • Take care of your tasks, like cleaning your cupboard and washing your clothes, to reduce your partner’s burden.
  • Help your spouse to buy groceries, pay bills, or do other chores.
  • Offer to pick the kids from school so that your partner can relax and have some “me time.”

3. Receiving gifts

Some people like to receive gifts as tokens of love from their partners. If your partner is one such person, you must try to buy them gifts and then to make their days special. If you can, you may also buy “just because” gifts. Remember that gifts need to be more thoughtful than expensive. Even if you buy a pair of shoes for your partner to help them exercise, the intention will matter more than the price of the shoes. You may consider doing these:

  • Plan a surprise birthday party.
  • Pamper them with jewelry, gadgets, and other gifts.
  • Even if you are away, send the gifts home to make your spouse feel loved.
  • Choose exclusive and unique gifts for your partner to make them realize how special they are.
  • Make an effort to know your partner’s size if you are buying clothes, shoes, and other accessories.

4. Quality time

Yes, some people want their partner’s time and attention more than anything else. If your partner’s love language is quality time, give them undivided attention for at least an hour every day. Don’t watch the TV or cook while talking to your spouse. Talk to them, watch TV together, play a game or find ways to spend time together. Here are a few things you could do:

  • If your spouse comes into the room while you are watching TV, put it on mute and listen to what they are saying.
  • Maintain eye contact while talking to your spouse and reply with clarity to ensure that they know you are listening.
  • You don’t need to spend hours talking to your spouse; even an hour of your precious time would make them feel loved and appreciated.
  • Never leave a conversation in between. If you are talking to your partner and you get an urgent call from the office, attend to it and get back to your partner.

5. Physical touch

Physical touch is often the most important love language. If you are in a relationship with someone who swears by this love language, make them feel special by holding their hands, hugging them, or kissing them. You could try some of these tips:

  • If your partner likes physical touch, start your mornings with a hug. It will make them feel loved.
  • Blow them a kiss when you leave for work and make them feel pampered.
  • When having a conversation with them, hold hands to make them feel the warmth.
  • If your partner needs physical touch to feel loved, don’t feel embarrassed in displaying your affection in public.
  • At night, cuddle your partner and make them feel loved and appreciated. 

The five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. You can silently examine which language complements your partner after you know these. A healthy relationship should incorporate all five methods to some extent, or if your partner isn’t adept with words, they can express love through gifts or acts. This is particularly beneficial when you are new to a relationship and want it to be stable and long-lasting. Similarly, if you are at the giving end, reflect all these love languages on your partner.

Key Pointers

  • Love language is how people express their love, such as exchanging gifts or affection.
  • Acts of service, affirmation, quality time, and physical touch are love languages that show your love to your partner.
  • Each partner has their way of expressing love, such as someone may prefer giving affirmations while a few may prefer gifting.

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Dr. Carlos Juan Carmona-Goyena

(PhD (Counseling Psychology))
Dr. Carlos Juan Carmona-Goyena is a board licensed therapist in the USA and Puerto Rico with a specialty in couples, families, and relationships. Dr. Carlos possesses a PhD in Counseling Psychology granted at the Interamerican University of Puerto Rico. His two-decade professional experience also includes scientific research in family emotional and relational processes and its effect on psychological functioning. Dr.... more

Shikha Thakur

Shikha is a writer-turned-associate editor at MomJunction. Her core interest lies in writing articles that guide couples through their courtship to marriage and parenthood. She also specializes in baby names. Being a postgraduate in Human Resources, she likes understanding people and their relationships. This reflects in her relationship articles, where she deals with both the rosy and the grey side... more