How To Stop Overthinking In A Relationship: 9 Ways To Try

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If you wish to maintain a strong bond with your partner, it is vital to learn how to stop overthinking in a relationship. Whether you are in your courtship period, dating someone, or are married, you may sometimes feel anxious and disturbed. Of course, it is normal to have these feelings once in a while, but if such thoughts become obsessive, it might not be a good sign for your relationship.

Constant overthinking may ruin a healthy relationship. It could even disrupt your peace and well-being. So, if you are stuck overthinking, this post might be of great help.

Overthinking In A Relationship: Signs To Know

Overthinking can damage your happy relationship. Here are some signs that you’re overthinking and you need to stop right away.

1. You think your partner is lying to you

Overthinking can make you suspicious. As a result, you constantly think that your partner is hiding something from you or lying to you. If this continues, you’ll not be able to trust your partner at all.

2. You assume too much

When you receive a text from your partner, you create an entire story around it. If they tell you that they cannot meet you due to urgent work, you assume someone else is in their life. All these thoughts can drive you crazy.

3. You’re insecure

You’re not confident about yourself and feel that you’re not capable of doing things in life or fulfilling your dreams. When you’re in a relationship, you start thinking that you’re not worth dating and your partner will not love you. This fear comes from relationship insecurity.  If this continues, they might find you irritating or nagging.

4. You need constant reassurance

You think that your partner’s love for you has reduced over time. And so, you may ask for constant reassurance from your partner. Even if they always confess their love for you, you may take it wrong. It can damage your personality and your relationship in the long run.

5. You have trust issues

You have trust issues because of your overthinking nature. There may even be times when you craft an entire story out of nothing. If you continue being like this, it will be difficult for your partner to be with you.

Why Do You Overthink In A Relationship?

There may be a lot of reasons behind your overthinking nature. Here we will discuss a few:

1. You have low self-confidence

Low self-esteem contributes a lot to your habit of overthinking in a relationship. You may even doubt your partner’s feelings. When you go through self-doubt, you seek affirmations from your loved ones.

2. Your past experiences

If you have had a bad experience in the past, it can haunt you and affect your current relationship. It could be related to cheating, abuse, or rejection. This can happen even if you think that you’ve gotten over it. And so, you could be suffering from relationship anxiety. Once you’ve been hurt, it can be difficult for you to start afresh and trust your current partner completely.

3. You contemplate a lot

When a situation arrives, and you need to decide, you might take a lot of time to consider every possible outcome. Although it is not wrong, it can turn negative if you overdo it. For example, after committing to a romantic relationship, if you still think whether you’ve made the right decision or not, it can cost you your relationship.

4. Your attachment style

How was your childhood? Did you get the love and support from your parents when you needed it? Then it’s likely that you’ve developed a secure attachment style. However, if your childhood was not secure or you had a bad experience, it might lead you to develop an insecure attachment style, which can have a huge impact on your relationships as you grow up. This can lead to overthinking in your relationship.

How To Stop Overthinking In A Relationship?

Overthinking in relationships can ruin your beautiful love life. Let’s have a closer look at how you can stop it and have a successful relationship.

1. Don’t put too much thought into texting

Do you overthink what to write in a simple text to your partner? Or, do you take a lot of time to think and reply to your partner’s text? If yes, then don’t. There’s not much difference between “what are you doing?” and “what’s up?”So, be straightforward and give your brain some rest. Also, do not overanalyze what your partner might text you or what their texts mean. Stay relaxed and go with the flow.

2. Figure out what’s making you overthink

Did your partner say something that you’re thinking about? Or, are you thinking about certain behavior of your partner? Thinking is good, but when you overthink, it might make you and your relationship suffer. So, stop focusing on your thoughts and pay attention to your feelings for your partner. This will make you see what the real problem is.

3. Enjoy your life outside of your relationship

When you have multiple areas to focus on in your life, your habit of overthinking is likely to reduce. It applies to not only your professional life but also your personal life. Develop a hobby, take care of your mental health, and love yourself.

4. Trust your partner

Lack of trust can make things worse, especially in a romantic relationship. Trust makes things easier and helps you curb your tendency to overthink. When you trust, you’ll care about your partner, understand them, and believe that they’re not here to play games with your feelings.

5. Communicate with your partner

No or less communication in a relationship can give rise to misunderstandings and food for overthinking. Spend quality time with your partner. If you have any questions, ask them. If you’ve got a certain feeling, share it with them. Effective communication can stop you from unnecessary worries and stress.

6. Stay positive

Do you overthink the possible negative outcome of an action? Stop doing that. Instead, stay positive in your daily life, and things will automatically fall into place.

7. Socialize with your friends and family

When was the last time you attended a family get-together or talked your heart out to a friend? Family and friends are an important part of your life. Take out some time to catch up with your loved ones. Itis also an opportunity to talk about your mental health issues, and eventually, you can get away from overthinking.

8. Indulge in self-care

Every day, take out some time to focus on yourself. Give yourself some love and care as it can help you in overcoming your habit of overthinking. Go to a spa, work out, take a hot bath, groom yourself, and feel good.

9. Talk to a therapist

Even after trying everything, if you are having a hard time coping with your relationship anxiety, talk to therapist. You can understand your feelings and needs with their help and will be able to see your partner’s actions without being defensive or judging. This will calm your feelings of anxiety.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. How do I deal with an overthinking girlfriend?

An overthinker may want to know if you still love them. So, you must reiterate your feelings to your partner and help them overcome their insecurities. Also, be their support system and be compassionate towards them. Prompt communication is also vital to avoid misunderstandings and fights.

2. What should you not say to an overthinker?

There are several things you should not say to an overthinker. They include “You think too much,” “You are negative,” “You are just creating scenarios in your head,” “It’s ridiculous,” and “You can’t be like this.”

No relationship is perfect, and sometimes, it can be even hard to continue. Overthinking in a relationship is one of those habits that you may want to get rid of. You might not be able to stop overthinking completely, but there are things that you can do to improve your relationship and make it a happy one. Partners are not perfect, so do not invest yourself in overthinking. You may try some meditative practices and mindfulness to slow down your overthinking mind.

Key Pointers

  • Assuming too much, such as whether your partner is cheating or lying to you, is overthinking, and it damages the relationships.
  • Trust issues, insecurities, and requirements of constant reassurance are signs of overthinking in relationships.
  • Past experiences, low self-esteem, and attachment style are the reasons for overthinking in relationships.

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Akshay Nair

Akshay is an associate editor and former journalist with over three years of experience. A post graduate in Mass Communication and Journalism, he has strong professional and academic background in the field of content writing and editing. He is also a Certified Relationship Workshop Facilitator for Life Coaches. Akshay interned and worked with various newspapers and the Public Relations Department... more

Lisa J. Hill

(Registered Nurse Therapist )
Lisa J. Hill is a Registered Nurse Therapist having a private practice in Christchurch, New Zealand. She specializes in working with adults, particularly during life transitions and emotional crises such as parenthood, but also sees adolescents and is branching into using Emotionally Focussed Therapy with couples. In addition, she is a specialist Alcohol and Drug Practitioner. Her multi-modal approach to... more