Manipulation might be evident in every walk of life. But when it comes to our own family and relationships, we expect each other to be straight and not manipulative. You try to be loyal and honest with your partner and expect the same from them. But what if your partner doesn’t reciprocate? Is there a way to know if you are in a manipulative relationship?
MomJunction tells you about 15 signs to look out for in a manipulative relationship and ways to deal with it.
15 Signs Of Manipulation In A Relationship
Some partners resort to crying whenever there is a difference of opinion or a fight. They make the opposite person feel guilty by crying and leave no scope for a healthy discussion over any disagreement.
While occasional emotional outburst is normal and acceptable in a relationship, if you feel that your partner is using crying/ weeping as a tool to avoid a discussion, then it might be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Some partners constantly keep telling you “you’re crazy” or “you’re wrong” for each decision, opinion, or choice you make. They keep on doing this and make you lose confidence in yourself. This phenomenon is called “gaslighting.”
Such partners go to the extent of not just telling you that you are crazy, but also showing fake concern about your ‘situation’ to affect your emotional health and instill self-doubt.
3. Making you feel small
Your partner might constantly make you feel that your needs, dreams, desires, and plans are irrelevant and insignificant. If your aspirations are constantly being crushed, then there is a chance you are being manipulated.
4. Making you isolate yourself
Some partners might deliberately isolate you from your friends, family members, and loved ones. They do this to close all your connections with your well-wishers, who have been warning you about your partner. The manipulative partner might fake illness or emotionally blackmail you into not meeting or talking to your family and friends.
5. Twisting your words
Whenever you are in a heated argument or a casual conversation, they pick up your words, twist them, and use them against you. This makes the main topic go off-track, and they make you feel guilty for something you said but did not mean. Such behavior can make you constantly concerned about what you speak since your partner can use it as a weapon against you.
6. Seems to have had the upper hand in past relationships
If you look into your partner’s past relationships, you might realize that they had a history of choosing vulnerable partners. They might look for a person who is less attractive, with less money, less support, etc., and use their weaknesses to manipulate them. This puts them in a superior position, allowing them to manipulate the partner.
7. Lying to you
They might lie to you for every significant or insignificant thing. They do not accept it even if you catch them red-handed but try to cover it up with more lies.
8. Playing on your insecurities
They might be aware of your insecurities like your fear of your partner leaving you, or your financial dependency on them, or your fear of what other people might say if you leave your partner. Your partner might manipulate you by playing on these insecurities.
9. Constantly monitoring you
They demand you to keep them constantly updated about your whereabouts, your plan for the day, the people you are with, etc. Worrying about your well-being and safety, especially when you are in a new place or unsafe surroundings, is a good gesture. But if you feel you are being made answerable for all your actions and activities, then you might be in a manipulative relationship. A person who is constantly trying to monitor you and your activities might have some serious trust issues.
10. Trapping you
Your partner might trap you by using normal conversation to get your opinion on something and then use it against you. For example, they might ask you if you find the person sitting across the table to be good looking? If you reply affirmatively, then they might use the innocent reply as a fuel for their unreasonable doubt against you.
11. Giving the silent treatment
The silent treatment is the oldest and most commonly used manipulative tactic. Your partner might stop talking to you after the smallest of disagreement. They emotionally torture you by not talking to you until you apologize to them. Some people make their partners apologize multiple times before they resume speaking to them.
A manipulative partner can take it further by forcing you to apologize even when you have done nothing wrong. It might eventually make you surrender to them and not raise your voice.
12. Torturing you on the social media
Some partners might flirt or put up pictures with persons that make you feel uncomfortable.
They might also deliberately like or comment on pictures of their exes or of the people they know you are jealous of or are uncomfortable around. A manipulative partner might post images or statuses that indirectly convey negative things about you or your relationship.
13. Avoiding physical intimacy to get what they want
Some partners might use sexual intimacy as a weapon by depriving you of it when you do not do the things that they want you to do. They might use it for simple things, like not cooking a meal of their choice or for not putting the trash out, etc. It can be used the other way around as a reward for making you do things of their choice.
14. They blackmail you emotionally
Emotional blackmail is ugly since it leads to a stressful relationship. Your partner might blackmail you by saying things, like “I will kill myself” or “I cannot live without you” or “I will hurt myself if you leave.”
15. Playing the victim card
Some manipulative people might always make it a point to blame the other person for anything and everything that happens. Your partner might play the victim by saying things like, “I cannot believe you said that to me” or “I cannot believe you would hurt me like this.”
To them, it doesn’t matter what the situation was or who said what. They will fabricate a fault that conveniently allows them to play the victim while you receive all the blame.
How To Deal With A Manipulative Relationship?
It can be emotionally taxing to be in a manipulative relationship. Once you identify yourself in such a relationship, the following steps might help you manage your relationship and your emotional health.
Introspect into your contribution/ approach towards the relationship. See if you are manipulating your partner and, as a result, are getting manipulated. Be honest in your introspection. If your head is clouded with thoughts, then ask for the opinion of someone who can give an unbiased analysis.
2. Figure out your partner’s intentions
Why is your partner manipulating you? If you are not sure of their intentions, then have an honest conversation with them. Try to understand their perspective in an unbiased manner.
Convey what you feel and convey what you expect. If the conversation gets heated, remind yourself and your partner that you both love each other, and this conversation is not meant to belittle either of you. Even after multiple conversations, if you can’t come to a mutual agreement, then it is better to consider ending such a relationship.
4. Be more direct
You should be straightforward with your questions and statements. Do not mince your words, and do not be afraid of them. Do not be afraid to say, “No.”
5. Fundamental human rights
Reinforce to yourself repeatedly that you have the following basic human rights:
- To be treated with love and respect
- To express your feelings, opinions, and needs
- To say “no” without feeling guilty
- To have an equal place in a relationship
- To protect yourself from being threatened emotionally, physically, or mentally.
6. Do not self-blame
Maintain space in your relationship where you have the time and liberty to introspect if you are being treated well. It is important to respect your partner, but it should not come at the cost of disrespecting yourself.
7. Use time to your advantage
Avoid answering their questions immediately after they ask. Whenever they are making an unreasonable demand, they will try to get an immediate response from you. Tell that you need time to think and you will get back to them. Use the time wisely, and if you do not find the demand valid, firmly say “No.”
8. Take help
If you are severely trapped in an abusive relationship, do not be afraid to reach out to the legal system. If you are a married couple, then seek a marriage counselor. Be safe while confronting your partner. Do it when you have other people around, or you know that he/she cannot harm you in any way.
People are together for mutual happiness. If you are being manipulated in the relationship, then you should confront your partner. Try to figure out things with them. But if you see no progress, then understand that it is time for you to move out of the relationship.
If you cannot resolve it all by yourself, then take help from a common friend or a relationship counselor. If nothing works, do not punish yourself by stretching the relationship. End the relationship as soon as you can and try to move on with your life.